To the Road-Weary

Contributed by Amber Butler

A few days ago I finished reading The Grapes of Wrath for the first time and found myself ironically comforted. Through the travail of uprooted homes and loss of income, the characters in John Steinbeck’s epic show that despite all, life goes on and they find the way through, and they even find the way to give out of lack. In my super-pseudo-secure lifestyle I am at times dead to my real life—and frenzied with the insecurity of trying to create something out of nothing…with no guarantee in the end. This book helped start me thinking beyond my current limits and realize that generation upon generation has continued their choice to live against striking odds. At times the road for the artist appears just as obtuse.

What I loved about it most is that it brought hope for myself—that I will have the strength to face the challenges I know are ahead of me, and to make choices that are not based on fear of what I will lose. There is so much that we can lose and there is nothing we can lose that that truly defines us. (What angst, what bitter seeds there are to swallow!) It helps to practice letting go before the loss comes. I cannot say that I am reconciled with loss as a feature of human life but it stares me in the face every day; I must find ways to move beyond it.

I recently began a landscaping job where I am out of doors most of the day and asked to submit my body to manual labor. For me, this has been a needed switch from my “head-heavy” thought life where I have tried to think my way through everything. The rest of you may have figured this out already, but moving your body does wonders for your soul.

I wrestle with the problem of pain constantly, my bread is often all torn up in tears; but there’s too much good in the world to throw in the towel. God is an infuriating whirlwind of mystery but damnit those spring blossoms on the trees just about make up for it.